I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
