I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
