Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
