The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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