My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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