I swear she didn't look like that last week.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
worst night to have a conscience
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
