Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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