Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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