I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
