Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
