So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
