I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
