Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
