oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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