??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
