Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
