My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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