the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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