We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
