If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
