We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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