Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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