I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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