last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
