how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never joke about your clitoris.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize