i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
