I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
