Are we in a gay sports bar?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
