"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
