Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
