3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
