she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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