Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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