You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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