The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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