i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
