Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
