I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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