another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
