Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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