Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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