cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
