You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
