spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
