JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
