Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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