U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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