can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
