Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize