Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You can't special order awesome
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
