I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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