i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
