i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
