I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
