she was so not down for the gang bang
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize