I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
