xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
