So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
