Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
