Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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