I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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