Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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