What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
