god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he was CRYING into my vagina
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize