i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im holly from the hills drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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