and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
