Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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