Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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