I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
