At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
