I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
