Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
