what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
