i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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