So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
